It’s been my experience that there is no shortage of problems in life. There are plenty of problems to go around …. and around …. and around.…. and around. You’ve probably noticed this yourself.
Another thing I’ve noticed in dealing with problems, both personally and professionally, particularly relationship problems, is that when one blames or criticises others for a problem, it makes the problem worse, not better. It may mask or veil your responsibility in having the problem, but the source is still there. Even when one takes the approach of accelerating or amping up the blaming by more aggressiveness as an attempt to control or dominate the other so the problem will go away….it doesn’t. Again, it only gets worse, more confused, more frustrating. Blaming and criticising only adds layers of confuscation to the difficulty one is trying to untangle from.
I find that when one blames and criticises another, more often than not, the other doesn’t turn the other cheek as Jesus suggested so many years ago, but instead rises to the occasion by either running away or fighting as a defence from the attack.
Welcome to the military industrial complex and the build up of the arms industry when blaming, finger pointing and making the other wrong finds its way into inter-national political relationships.
I’ve studied, practiced, taught and been inspired by the philosophies, metaphysical practices and personal growth techniques that I learned from Charles Berner. No doubt, he learned them from others and passed them on. Now, I’m passing them on to you, if you’re reading this.
Blessings and Love
“In conflict resolution, such as management labor negotiations, they are beginning to learn this. They are learning not only to communicate but also to look for those communications, at most three in number, that haven’t been said. This really helps. A husband and wife may argue and argue the entire month over something. If either one of them or a third party says,”What is it that isn’t being communicated? What is it that you are talking around and not saying?” When they find it and say it, the whole quarrel may be settled in seconds. And the other partner says, “I thought you went out with John and weren’t telling me. That’s what I thought. Thank you for telling me what happened. You must love me a lot to have the confidence to tell me.” And it’s all gone, not another word.
It’s an amazing phenomena. And it is a fantastic experience to see it happen. The barrier is gone because they have communicated that thing that wasn’t said. It’s one thing to realise that you are the creator of a barrier and another thing to resolve that barrier by the delivery of the communication. This is what you do when you have a use for a barrier: find out what you are trying to say or communicate by having that barrier and then getting it across. If you have to increase your ability to relate to do so, then do so.
In the final analysis, it will always resolve down to what you are trying to tell others about yourself. The ultimate message is you. You are the message. You are what you are trying to present. You are what you were trying to have understood and appreciated.”